At the time of this writing, it’s a brand new year. People are setting goals for better health, greater wealth, deeper love (& more). These goals get made with great intentions. But frustration & disappointment increases when sadly, the typical New Year’s Resolutions often don’t stick.
For many, the best attempt at reaching their resolutions often equates to something like throwing darts at their target with their eyes closed, until their arm wears out. With a random, haphazard approach & no support system, they end up not reaching goals that could’ve been well within their reach! I prefer using the art & science of goal setting & achievement than a blind dart throwing contest.
Goals are often defined as the things we really want (a healthy body, happy relationship). Habits are generally the processes we use to help us reach our goals, but they can be positioned as goals.
We could label it a goal to create healthier habits around eating or create a habit of being on time. Generally though, what we’re seeking isn’t the habit, or often even the goal itself. We want the experience & results of having achieved it. We’re seeking ‘the feel good’.
Most people don’t want to eat healthy, so much as they want to BE healthy. They want to look good, feel good, live longer, etc. Say that having a nourished, healthy body that feels good is your goal. You could create healthy eating habits (the process, the cause) so that you can achieve the goal, the experience (the results, the effect) of being in a nourished, healthy body. We could look at this in terms of relationship as well. If your goal is to have a successful, long term relationship, then creating healthy love habits will act as the process & cause to help you reach that goal. And that goal in essence, is to have the reoccurring experience of a enjoying a relationship you love, over time.
People generally have a desire to make positive changes in their relationship. And many feel baffled when it comes to relationship goals or figuring out how to achieve the shifts they want.
Here’s a few reasons why people unknowingly are set up to fail when they try to improve their relationships with resolutions:
- Relationships appear somewhat mysterious & “out of their control”. They tend to have little awareness that they can do much about them.
- They don’t understand relationships as a “cause & effect”. They don’t see their habits as a cause & they don’t know how to manage them.
- They try & make big changes on their own without new understanding, perspectives & support.
- They don’t know the value of setting & reaching relationship goals & utilizing relationship development.
- They generally need some level of “upgrading” of understanding & skills. Those unwilling to be responsible or try anything new, will not succeed in creating the necessary shifts (cause) to get the desired outcome (effect).
The good news is, it does take effort, but it’s simpler than you might think. Relationship goals are just like those health or financial goals you have. There are habits that will take you closer to your goal, & habits that will move you further from that goal. Really getting this can simplify the strategy & make your relationship goals more achievable. It also makes reaching for these goals SO much more fun!
This article is about relationship goals, but you can apply what I’ve said to other goals & gain a better understand of what it will take you to accomplish it.
Knowing that you have creative power over your love life is not only refreshing but fueling. Once you’ve had a taste, it can be seriously motivating. Personal development institutions have sometimes historically been suggested as “cult-ish”, for the fact that once people get a taste of personal development path, they’re so rewarded with understanding, knowledge, passion & freedom, that they never want to go back to what life was like before. Those are the “real” rewards, however, the things we are then able to create in the physical world also become so much more rewarding!
Take these Action Steps to get some clarity:
- Make a list of your relationship goals. Be as descriptive as possible. What exactly does your desired relationship experience feel like & look like? Don’t rush through this outlining step or discount its importance. It’s difficult to create something if you don’t define it. Taking time to define it greatly increases your chances of getting what you want.
- Make a list of the specific habits you think you’ll need in order to reach the goal. You may not have a lot to put down for this part at first, & that’s okay. We’re not usually taught how to create a successful relationship so this will be something you’ll likely be learning about & exploring, just do your best with the initial list.
If you aren’t sure what habits are best to focus on, you could do some research. A few ideas & suggestions to consider:
- Locate well reviewed, books in your target area.
- Find some online resources on your topic, blogs, podcasts, etc.
- Get quality support. Talk to someone, preferably a trusted source or a knowledgeable expert who can help you create a strategic plan, & accountability if you need it.
Sometimes we’re successful in certain areas of life & challenged in other areas. People who succeed have very different habits than those who fail to reach their goals. The small, simple things we do add up over time, creating results, either way. The difference in the type of habits we use is a key distinction.
Whatever your relationship goals, they’re probably closer than you think, but it will take awareness & a strategic approach with effective habits for you to reach them.
Here’s to YOU reaching your goals!
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