Great dates & why you need them | April Asher | The Love Catalyst


Do you crave more connection with your partner?

Do you miss those times when there was more excitement, enthusiasm, energy & hot sparks between you? Or perhaps you crave more depth in your connection & warm fuzzies with your partner?

Life moves so fast these days. It can be challenging to keep up with the things that are important to us, those things that truly nurture us & our partnership. But a strong, sustained love connection is essential for a thriving long term relationship.

Many couples are aware that date nights are good for them. Experts often suggest this but people don’t always know why it’s beneficial, only that it has something to do with romance. Besides being a fun time, what else can they do? Great dates can actually be long term ‘life support’ for your partnership!

Some of the effects of great dates can be refueled connection, rekindled passion & a relationship sustaining wellspring of romance, so that you never need lose that lovin’ feeling!

top article Take time for date time.

xenical orlistat Use these suggestions & guidelines to structure dates that create both short term pleasure (date magic) & long term relationship satisfaction (lifelong love benefits)!

Label your date time ‘sacred space’. Agree with your partner that date time is important to your relationship. Plan a time that works best for you both & stick to that agreement. It’s very important that you keep the plan, even if life throws obstacles. If the specifics of the plan change (you plan a picnic & it rains), so be it, life can’t be controlled. But do your best to keep the date itself even if your plan goes from a day out to a day in. Once in awhile someone may be sick or something may happen that requires rescheduling but if most of the time you’re on track, you’ll be creating a lot of solid connection! Get as creative, simple or as elaborate as you like. Do what works for your budget & your unique partnership. Some couples may enjoy a romantic candlelight dinner, others may love a walk on the beach or time together in nature. Some couples may enjoy something more offbeat like a shared 4:00 am sunrise or a date night of karaoke. If you run out of ideas there are lots of great suggestions on the internet (type in unique date ideas) to get your creativity flowing.

avoir plus For best results, create anew. It’s important that you vary what you do & try new things often in order to get the best results from your dates. Scientists have done brain studies on long term committed couples & dating. They’ve found that while making time to connect is important, doing routine type dates ultimately didn’t do much for couples. Different, interesting, NEW dates stimulate the reward system parts of the brain. The parts that release the feel good chemicals, dopamine & norepinephrine. This is the same brain circuit that fires up in NEW early romantic love. So you literally ARE altering your chemistry, your own & the chemistry between you, creating long term romance!

Take turns deciding what you will do with your time. Be experimental & try new things. It’s really exciting (& sometimes really sexy) to surrender to new things & put yourself & your enjoyment in the hands of your partner. Whether they surprise you completely or just take control of the decision making by planning the time together, you know they’ve been thinking of you & what you may like to experience during your time together. Knowing this can build excitement & anticipation & will give you a great start before you’re even on the date.

The feminine especially, often loves it when the masculine decides the plans. The feminine is left feeling deeply cared about & ready to reciprocate. If your partner is the kind of person who thrives in their masculine & loves making decisions (& you love the experience of receiving & following), then having them choose what to do much of time may work perfectly for you. There’s no hard & fast rule to who plans the date, taking turns is simply a fun suggestion. Do what works best for YOUR relationship. What matters most is what you’re fostering, pleasurable time together & a strong connection.

Whatever you choose, it needs to be something you both find enjoyable. It’s totally okay (& sometimes recommended) to choose primarily for your partners enjoyment, but choosing something you can’t stand can backfire. Your partner will want you to have a good time too, in fact, the whole point is to connect while having a good time. So choose something that feels good to you & that you can imagine will be interesting or exciting to them. If your partner chooses an experience you end up not enjoying very much, focus on being grateful for the risk they took in stepping into uncharted territory & be honest but acknowledge them for taking the risk. You can choose to feel rewarded simply in the act of risk taking, rather than weighing it all by how well (or not) you think it worked out for you.

Turn off distractions. This is extremely important. This is not the time to allow the alerts to pop up on your phone or to keep checking your email. Set aside at least a couple to a few hours for your date time (decide ahead of time, be clear with your partner) & for that time allowing distractions is off limits. Sometimes the phone may need to be left on for possible unexpected emergencies (childcare) but that aside, keep to a commitment of ignoring the phone & eliminating distractions. In our newly created A.D.H.D. world it may take some time to get used to creating sacred space. If one of you gets distracted, rather than being frustrated, be patient & loving & just ask for the date space back.

Set your relationship up for success. If you don’t already have a regularly scheduled date time, discuss creating one with your partner. Make an agreement & set the time & space for a weekly, biweekly (every two weeks) or at a minimum, a monthly date. In general, quality versus quantity is best, so just take on what you can realistically commit to. Set your intention with each other around what benefits you want this to create in your relationship & use date time to create them!

Share this article with your partner so you’re both on the same page. Have fun experimenting with what works for the two of you!

Please leave a comment below! Let me know how the talk with your partner goes & also how the first follow up date was! You never know how sharing your experience may inspire others & help shift their relationship too!

To greater connection, hotter sparks & more warm fuzzies!