I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of self care as I keep hearing declarations about “becoming better this New Year” regarding improving relationships, health or lifestyle.
I’ve learned how important it is for women to have a good self care system to support themselves & their relationship. When women neglect themselves & their needs, they can unknowingly set up an unsupportive chain of events.
- feeling disconnected from their partner.
- becoming emotionally or energetically needy (even when subtle the partner can feel it) & they feel let down if support doesn’t show up in just the right way.
- projecting these needs out & complain that it’s their partner who doesn’t “care” for/about them or see their needs.
- leaving their partner feeling like a failure when they want things from them that ultimately, they aren’t giving to themselves.
How’s your self care system? Are you set up for success or do you have challenges with embracing your most basic needs?
When you care for yourself, you’re also caring for your relationship.
There’s a whole lot on our plates these days. Many women are chronically overwhelmed with our To Do’s. And us 21st century gals are excellent givers, giving our all & then some. But it’s important to remember that we can’t serve our partner, our family, or the world by neglecting ourselves. Filling our cup up FIRST is essential, to be sure we can keep on giving. It doesn’t serve our relationship to deprive ourselves, hoping our partner fills in the gaps somehow. This is a set up for disappointment & big relationship trouble.
Our partner will care for us:
in the way we model what it means to care for us,
& as we model that we’re worth caring for.
Over the years with two homeschooling kids & multiple businesses I got very good at not needing or taking much for myself. When I’d practice good self care consistently, I noticed how cared for I’d feel & how open & connected to my partner I was. When I’d slide back into self neglect I’d end up feeling needy & making up that my partner didn’t care enough about me. Of course, you can imagine he didn’t feel much like a winner with all of that yuck projected onto him.
If your self care system could use a boost try this:
- Schedule times (I use google calendar) for self care tasks: bathing, reading (for pleasure), journal writing, meditation & self reflection, & any other self care rituals you have.
- When the time comes to practice your self care, keep to the schedule & adjust time as needed.
- See if you can add in something out of the ordinary that leaves you feeling extra special (i.e. add in 10 minutes to give yourself a foot massage) & see how taken care of you feel.
One more thing on basic self care: Be sure you get plenty of sleep. Have a bedtime & follow it.
Your successful life rests (pun intended) on proper body & brain functions.
A Neuroscientist I know recently said that over 80% of people need 7-8 hours of quality sleep to function well. It’s a BASIC in self care but in this day & age many people aren’t in tune with what they need & are masterful at self neglect & pushing on.
When in comes to anything you want to create in life, consider how to use power versus force.
Plan the time to care for yourself, free of distraction by adding time for self care into your schedule. If it’s not scheduled it’s not likely to happen! Get used to having it “on the books” as just another important part of your day. It doesn’t need to be a lot of time, a few minutes consistently creates remarkable, measurable results!
Let me know in the comments what self care practices you’re scheduling & how you think this will positively affect your relationship!
To your well cared for self & relationship!