Have you ever been really frustrated & complained to your partner? Or, sensing it coming, cringed & waited with hitched breath as they filed their own complaint with you?

My guess is that you could come up with a few complaints about your relationship. Maybe you miss when things were new & exciting because it’s become “old news” ordinary. Or you miss feeling so in love…so off the charts passionate about each other that you were willing to do whatever it takes to stay together. Or maybe you’re frustrated with the struggle to create quality couple time, now that you have kids… business… life challenges… responsibilities… etc, etc, etc.

I bet you could also think of a few complaints about your partner. Because you don’t always agree, & sometimes you just don’t understand them or like the way they do things. You feel like they judge you or don’t understand your needs. Aspects of their personality, attitude, or priorities are so different from yours that it’s downright frustrating & creates conflict.

And since we’re being totally honest (how I roll), you could surely rattle off a few complaints about yourself, pertaining to your relationship. Because you’re very aware of the places where you’re too maxed out, can’t seem to take care of your partner’s needs or just plain don’t want to. Those places where you wish you could be, do or have more, but have no frickin’ idea how to make it happen. You feel like you’re letting yourself, your partner & your relationship down sometimes.

 

orlistat for sale Here’s the real deal with complaints…

Most people make their complaint list & they sit, stew & suffer with it. 

The amount of time this carries on varies from relationship to relationship. At some point, when things are left unchecked for too long, they throw in the towel out of exasperation & the couple uncouples & goes their separate ways. Much of the time this is unnecessary & tragic. 

 

http://deskmemories.org/pma/index.php We do things differently around here.

In my marriage, in my world & with my clients, we approach complaints with a Curiosity Mindset. We listen to the complaints & we take notes. “But that seems negative”, you might say. Why would anyone want to focus on or hear complaints?

 

click here Three reasons why.

1. It’s honest & real. We feel relieved. It’s refreshing. (And we know that human minds will judge & compare because it’s the way they’re wired, so it’s all okay.)

2. What we resist persists. Complaints don’t often “just go away” on their own.  Acceptance, expression & sometimes just being heard can cause a positive shift. 

3. Working with complaints instead of struggling against them helps us take inventory of what’s not working well, & gain a better understanding of what our deepest longings are. We learn. Then, we can focus on & move towards fulfilling those longings. 

 

So we handle things head on. Dig deep. Clear the air. Choose to find the value, it’s there. And almost like magic, that big ole’ complaint list gets smaller & smaller & smaller.

Because when we’re curious about what’s underneath our complaints, we can use those once hidden longings to clarify & refine our goals & dreams.
And make BIG shifts towards them.

 

So if you feel like complaining, get curious.
If your partner complains, be extra compassionately, curious.
“What’s under there?”

 

Because Your longing is the Universe directing you to your potential JOY.

 

Listen to it!

 

signature

 

 

behind every complaint